Living Well after Separation
These 5 “S” words fit both who I am and where I’d like to be. I decided there were two parallel journeys I needed to take in order to live well after my marriage ended a few years back, and they stand for :
Seasoned (over 40 and a little bit older and wiser than I used to be)
and the second meaning for my 5 “S” Blog identity stands for …..
I always thought if I worked hard and certain conditions were met , then things would be ok. That if I studied I would pass that exam, that if I did enough job interviews surely someone would hire me on after graduation despite an Irish recession, that I would stay happily married once I was lucky enough to find someone I loved to marry…… yeah right!
Life has a way of laughing in the face of our plans and I’ve had to let go of the notion that I must achieve perfection or completion in a task before I can reap any rewards. Life is a journey , and my putting off dating until my son is older, or putting off writing until that magic moment when I have more time or putting off buying a new outfit until I’ve lost a few more pounds etc., was just another way of living in fear and procrastination.
These magic conditions are never going to be met because the goalposts always keep moving. While I was hunkered down, waiting “Until” …..life was whizzing by at a scary accelerated pace, especially since I turned 40.
So a year ago, I took the plunge into online dating and while sadly have not yet met a keeper – a lovely guy to happily grow older with, I learned a hell of a lot about myself and made friends with the hitherto unknown male race in the process. I thought it would be fun and maybe useful to share some of those “how to date as a separated, single-parent, over 40, in Ireland” experiences here. I just think that statement alone contains enough “baggage” to make your average single, 30-something dater run a mile so I firmly believe dating conditions are different for us folk who find ourselves in the former situation – The Baggage Tribe!! However, feedback from Single 30 Somethings is always welcome.
I also learned, that by opening myself up to finding or meeting a new partner, echoes of old feelings and fears and baggage re-emerged, that I thought I had dealt with via counselling and sharing with friends in the initial years post-separation. I guess there’s only so much healing and recovery you can do in a safe cocoon. It’s only by actually getting back out there into the messy current of life and trying to successfully swim with others that I find I can tackle that final layer of healing I need to do.
It dawned on me how important it was to focus on “dating myself” -finding time and energy to spend on caring for myself, my health, my appearance, my mental wellbeing and just have moments of fun in each day. Positivity and happiness have become my two keystone principles for living my daily life by but that’s waaay easier said than done! I’m exploring different tips and techniques available for how to make my life a happier, more desirable place to be and I’m going to share what worked and didn’t work for me, in the hope of helping someone else in the same boat.
Good luck in the Journey!