Christmas
Christmas Apart
There’s a very practical article, available to read in full here. on how best to positively co-parent your kids at Christmas, when separated.
One the one hand I’m proud to see that my ex and I can pretty much tick every box and I know from talking to teachers and childminders in the past, we don’t just think we are amicably separated, others who have been involved in the minding of our son agree.
So why is it, that despite knowing my son will be healthy and happy among family, somewhere in Ireland on Christmas day, did I need to spend yesterday just howling crying like I haven’t cried in a long time?
Neither Logic, nor gratitude for the many good things I have in my life nor the warm fuzzy feeling of knowing I have put my son’s needs, both short and long term, above my own were enough. At six he is at that joyful age where they really believe fully in all the wonder and magic of Christmas. And I am simply heartbroken at not getting to spend that exact day with him.
I can blame the non-stop barrage of TV adverts depicting perfect Mums and Dads, accessorised with an adorable daughter, son and cute dog Christmas shopping or opening presents together. But really I had to acknowledge that just for that day, I felt very cheated and full of grief about my situation. In giving the sadness some room, some space to be seen and heard and acknowledged, I was able to let go some of the pain and enjoy the next few days with my beloved small man.
Small Daily Joys # 4
I pounded the streets to track down a shepherd’s costume for my son’s school nativity play. I found the last one available in shop number 8. Success! Joy! Go me! (yes I know I could have cut up a striped sheet but the thought of spending the entire weekend trying to engineer/sew a tea towel onto a swimming hat left me cold). I brought it home triumphantly and showed it to him. He smiled and said :
“Cool.Thanks!”
(A few mintues of modelling later)
“It’s brown though so I look a bit like Joseph”.
And I thought:
“oh shit – yes it does!”
I suddenly panic at the thought that the mother of Joseph will think I’m trying to upstage her darling boy’s big moment. The school play is in two days time (my first ever) – this should be interesting!
Small Daily Joys #3
This truly is small, if not exactly “daily”. For just one euro in our local Aldi Supermarket this advent candle has been a huge hit in our house. For my six year old son because he is obsessed with countdowns, getting to blow it out before bed and the anticipation of Christmas. For me it’s the spiritually calming effect of the flickering flame. Sadly, bad mammy here was forgetful one evening and let it burn down about 6 days ahead – eek, #flawed! But that’s ok. When I chose to separate when my son was only a baby, I guess I long ago tore up the Hallmark Christmas card with the Normal Rockwell image of the perfect family pictured on it.
That brings the scary but nice freedom to create new traditions and to year on year build our own sense of a real “family” Christmas.
Five SSSSS 